Sexy M&Ms: They melt in your mouth, not in your hands — but also melt poor Tucker’s heart

Fox News host Tucker Carlson stands up for his red-blooded patriots, addressing, once again, the real problem this country is facing: woke, feminist M&M’s. This war against Americans is not new. One year ago, Tucker commented on M&M’s rebranding, remarking that, “M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous, until you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. When you’re totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity.” Echoing this, Walter Kirn pointed out that M&M’s “wanted to get the PR for going woke, so they had to invent a problem.” This, of course, was said during an entire segment devoted to woke M&M’s — a real, totally uninvented, problem. 

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